Work would be great if you didn't have to deal with people all the time.
It’s an exaggeration, perhaps, but we’ve all heard it before. Why is it so true for so many people? Obviously, because people often encounter challenges at work. Almost every client I’ve had over the years has had trouble dealing with difficult people. There’s no denying that it happens in everyday life at one time or another. Sometimes it’s a difficult customer or co-worker. Sometimes it’s someone we report to or one of our own employees. And sometimes it’s just someone we interact with casually, like a store clerk. Whoever they are, they make us wonder, doubt, worry, even get angry, and can make us like them—a difficult person.
The best way to deal with these people is to avoid them – as far away as possible. But often we can’t do that. We just have to deal with them. Most people would say that when faced with this situation, we have three options: one is to try to change ourselves; two is to try to change the other person; and three is to try to endure the situation – which is essentially to endure the other person. Here are four suggestions for how to handle this situation, with the fourth one probably being the most effective:
1. Try to change yourself
First, you ask yourself, “Why am I the one who needs to change?” Often, you will come up with a rationale. There would be nothing wrong with what we say and do if it weren’t for the difficult person. And we wouldn’t be the catalyst for their difficult behavior. But sometimes it does. When you encounter a difficult person, you often feel defensive, anxious, and angry. You often examine your own behavior as to why they would say or do such a difficult thing to you. But often, you don’t find the answer. We can’t see what we can’t see. How do we know that our behavior is the cause of the other person’s unpleasantness?
2. Trying to change others
In the first option, you asked yourself, “Why should I change?” This reaction is a rationalization, “I did nothing wrong!” Guess what happens when you try to change the other person. And they respond the same way: “I did nothing wrong!” Everyone justifies themselves and their actions. No one wants to be arbitrary and unreasonable. We always have reasons for what we do. Attempting to change others rarely works. No one changes anything about themselves until or unless they are willing to do so.
3. Decide to put up with this person
“Just suck it up!” The idea is to avoid direct confrontation with the difficult person. But in reality, this action limits communication and instead creates an invisible wall between you and them. And in the long run, this can have dire consequences. Consider how this affects you, the other person, and your team:
For you: You decide to put up with that person and put all your energy into dealing with this difficult situation. While the work would have been more efficient and progressed faster, and you could have been excited and comfortable doing your part instead of feeling constantly annoyed. You decide to put up with that person, but you can’t ignore it. The annoyance will cost you a lot of energy because, you know, an optimistic attitude is important, deciding the success of your work. And it is very possible that that tolerance will also turn you into an annoying person.
For the other person: Everyone who starts a job wants to do it well, no one wants it to be bad. So we often start with optimism and passion. However, complacency and loss of interest in work often occur at some stage in our career. Maybe the job no longer has meaning for you. One of the great discoveries in this life is very simple: just because you do it well does not mean you do it with interest and passion. Even when we do our job very well, we do not necessarily feel interested in it. And so the work will never be completed perfectly.
For your team: a manager who has to put up with a difficult employee will avoid stressing them out. But when something happens, they are forced to deal with it and confront each other. And the manager is really surprised when many of his employees complain, “I don’t understand why you kept that person for so long?” Never think that those difficult employees are only bothering you. When you put up with that person, your whole team has to put up with him. In addition, ask yourself: “As a leader, how will this affect you and the operation of your team?” In the long run, putting up with such a difficult person will not be effective.
4. Find out what makes them so upset.
This is the best way to handle this situation! You are the leader of your team, you must be the one who knows how to communicate effectively with your employees. It will really make sense, be good for your colleagues and work will be more effective.
The solution is to take the time to understand the employee better and what makes them so upset with their colleagues and their work. If you understand the root of the problem, you can help them change the way they think about things or help them complete tasks that are truly suited to them. The solution is to help them develop their talents and do what they really want to do.
So how do you – the leader – understand the cause of that unpleasant behavior? Ask! Ask that employee why they acted that way. If they give you a roundabout or incorrect answer, you need to continue asking to understand the core of the problem so that you can help them change. It will be really effective if you show your sincere support. They will feel more comfortable that someone takes the time to listen to them instead of looking at them with fear, and work with them to find solutions to change the situation instead of having to endure a heavy wall between them and their colleagues. As a leader, you need to be able to make a difference in life.
According to Quynh Anh – Lanhdao.net
